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Moving to Denver (Part 2)


Odd that Brigham Young picked Salt Lake Valley of all places to settle. Partly because Salt Lake Valley is relatively desolate and salty, but compared to the amazing land that he had to travel through to get there, the SL Valley is pretty weak. Exhibit A (gloriously overwhelming scenery) is below:

Despite the amazing, awe-inspiring grandiosity that Utah has to offer (no, that's not sarcasm if you haven't been there), it is still not a great place to settle.

We ate lunch at The Sizzler in Salt Lake City--which, by the way, was one of the weirdest dining experiences I've had, thanks to their bizarre tri-brid between fast food, buffet, and sit-down dining--and as I tried to think of things to appreciate about the city, SLC Punk kept coming to mind.

Despite the fact that I love this movie, punk, drug abuse, and cultural sacrilege are probably not how SLC-ites would like to be thought of...especially because of that whole Joseph Smith and Brigham Young thing.

But as we sat eating our surprisingly juicy steaks in this weird restaurant, Stevo kept narrating everything for me:

First, there's this:

"There's nothing going on. That's what I saw when I looked out over the city: nothing. How the Mormon settlers looked upon this valley and felt that it was the promised land is beyond me. I don't know, maybe it looked different back then. " -Stevo

But then, there's this:

"In a country of lost souls rebellion comes hard. But in a religiously oppressive city, where half it's population isn't even of that religion, it comes like fire." -Stevo

I don't have any particular feelings about SLC since I don't know much about it, but I think I saw what he meant in both cases--our half-punk cultured, half American narrative'd waitress seemed to subtly express both of Stevo's thoughts.

Which brings me to my next point...

I don't understand why urinals in men's bathrooms are all shaped differently. It seems like someone, by now, would have figured out the perfectly designed urinal curvature that consistently prevents it from splattering urine back at you. Seriously.

But I really do appreciate the half-hearted albiet well intentioned effort to put nice-smelling pee guards over the urinal drains. I'd just like a little more guidance regarding where to aim--a bullseye would be nice.

And my final point...

This is (roughly) where I am at the present moment. Vail, Colorado. The stuff about the awkward urinal design seems to transition quite seemlessly into an observation about Vail: they're absolutely obsessed with traffic round-abouts.

Like, really obsessed. There should probably be a thing "they" say like, "You know you're in Vail if three or more consecutive google maps directions refer to round-abouts." There must be a purpose to this, but I'm not sure what it is. There's probably also a reason as to why urinals are all shaped slightly differently, but I'm not sure what that is either.

Perhaps it has something to do with the juxtapositon of conformity with simultaneous rebellion, like Stevo pointed out.

Vail's traffic circle designers seem to intend to enforce a particular kind of conformity with the inordinate number of traffic circles--I'm not sure exactly what it is though; my dad thinks it's to keep big trucks and busses out of the town. But that just makes me want to drive big trucks into town to piss them off.

Regarding the whole urinal thing, if I were to imagine a scenario--half realistic, half for the sake of my own entertainment--that each urinal designer around the country strives to express him/herself via their bowl curvature designs, I might conclude that the very act of designing a unique urinal is an act of rebellion. Rebellion against the oppressive perfect urinal regime that might otherwise come to pass.

In any case, one thing's for sure: it is, at the very least, entertaining and interesting to smush together completely unrelated thoughts and events from a single day of cross-country traveling, and to weave them into a semi-coherent, semi-disjointed narrative that strives a little too hard to make a benign point into a malignant insight.

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